


Never Let You Go

by TheTeaLeaf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, I Tried, Levi is a bit OoC, THIS IS PURE ANGST I'M SO SORRY, What Have I Done, ah eren is like 23, also his character is changing lately so..., but i stated why, ereri implied, i just can't write fluffy and happy things, it's against my nature, maybe not that much ooc, more or less, you can legitimately kill me after this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 21:50:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4581375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTeaLeaf/pseuds/TheTeaLeaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lancinating spasm pierced his right shoulder when, with a harsh jerk, the rope stopped their fall and Levi bit his tongue to hold back the scream of pain stuck in his throat. His hand wrapped tightly around his wrist, Eren screamed under him when he hit the wall: the stumps of what were once his right arm and leg splattered blood all around him.</p><p>-Heichou!- shouted Eren, giving a squeeze to his wrist.</p><p>Levi failed his attempt to swallow the knot forming in his throat and gave a sharp look to the boy, his voice shaking. –I’m not going to let you fall, Eren.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Let You Go

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I'm sorry.

As he hit the wall, a twinge went through him from his head to his toes, taking away his already short breath; a dull ache he was used to. While Levi was trying to point his feet on the slippery Wall Maria, a stream of blood started flowing from his left hand, which was holding as tight as possible on the 3DMG metallic rope; the grapple, stuck a few feet above his head, creaked in a way that made Levi understand it wasn’t going to last much more. When he thought he had found a stable position, his feet slipped and Eren and him fell a couple of meters beneath them; a lancinating spasm pierced his right shoulder when, with a harsh jerk, the rope stopped their fall; Levi bit his tongue to hold back the scream of pain stuck in his throat. His hand wrapped tightly around his wrist, Eren screamed under him when he hit the wall: the stumps of what were once his right arm and leg splattered blood all around him; the boy was deadly pale, his green eyes widened with terror and pain. Though he was now almost twenty-three, in that moment seemed to Levi to be holding the hand of the fifteen years old version of him, the one when they first met: Levi felt his heart clenching at that sight, while the boy threw his head up to look at him.

 A light rain started to fall, the clouds heavy and broken as lightening flashed in the sky; at the horizon, black new spots appeared, growing bigger and bigger: new Titans were coming.

 -Heichou!- shouted Eren, giving a squeeze to his wrist.

 Levi ignored him: right now, he didn’t need his pleas to let him fall to save himself. He didn’t need also to look at his right shoulder to see how bad its condition was: he could easily tell it was completely fucked up by his blood soaked shirt stick to his skin, the constant stabs of pain and the tingling sensation he had started to feel in his fingers. He had to focus on how save his ass the brat’s.

 The attack had started two hours before: a large group of anomalous Titans had run straight against the Wall and opened a breach, spreading into the city. It seemed to be again in the same situation of eight years before, when Eren first showed his powers. Everyone for a split second hoped it was only a nightmare but they quickly realized it wasn’t. It was worst. It was real.

 Levi was among the first to get to the breach, the blades already in his hands; in a few minutes, all the soldiers joined them in the fight. The number of Titans was overwhelming: Levi had tried to guess the number but his estimate was far over 150 Titans, so it was a better decision not to think about it for too long. All he needed to do was run, cut, aim a new target, repeat.

 He was running on the walkway when he saw him: Eren was flying between the rooves, less than fifty meters from him; even on the top of the wall he had been able to recognize him. He was heading towards a small group of Titans, too focused on them for seeing a smaller one jumping under him; Levi screamed at the top of his lungs Eren’s name but he already knew it was pointless: his voice was swallowed by the sharp wind, the noise around him too loud. The Titan bit off his right leg and arm, catching him. Levi didn’t know why, he probably didn’t even want to know how, but the Titan didn’t swallow the rest of Eren’s body: instead, he tossed him away like a rock, throwing him aiming at the top of the wall.

 -Heichou, look at me!- Eren cried, again.

 Levi had seen Eren’s powerless body flying over his head, falling on the other side of the Wall, where about ten Titans were trying to climb it right under him. His body moved before his mind had given it the order: he turned on his heels and spread forwards, jumping off the Wall and catching the boy’s arm with his right hand: it was then that he felt something inside his shoulder being teared apart while the still fresh wound from a couple of days before opened again spilling blood; his hand had slipped on Eren’s arm till his wrist.

Levi failed his attempt to swallow the knot forming in his throat and gave a sharp look to the boy, his voice shaking. –I’m not going to let you fall, Eren.

 -But Hei…

 -I’m not letting you fall, Eren!- screamed Levi, not trying even anymore to cover the fear in his voice, looking straight into those scared green eyes.  –I _can’t_ let you fall and I won’t! Just for once don’t argue!

 The rope was starting to ravel at the base of the grapple.

 -You’re going to die if you won’t, Heichou! Let. Me. Go. Please- Eren pleaded, emphasizing each word. His voice was shaking as well, his eyes full of pain but with a light of resolution in the back. –You…

 -Do you really think I care about dying?!- Levi screamed back. –Do you really think I do?! This is not living, Eren. This is not even surviving!

 -Corporal, that grapple will break in a moment! If you let me fall you’ll have a chance…

 -Shut up, Eren.

 -Corporal, we’re too heavy…

 -Eren, I said shut up!

Levi’s eyes were scanning hysterically the surroundings of the Wall looking for a way out, but there were nothing they could do. He turned his head again to Eren –We’ve not come this far to let you die at this point! It took three years to recapture this fucking wall and you’re not going to fucking die now! I can’t lose anyone else, not now!

 -Levi…- Eren began, tears rolling down his muddy cheeks. He had never seen Levi in this condition: he looked completely broken, lost. But he wasn’t going to listen to him: they both knew there was only a way to end that situation, even though Humanity’s Strongest was not accepting it. –It’s not your fault, Levi…

 -Don’t say that, Eren.

 -It’s not your fault, stop blaming yourself for everyone’s death! You couldn’t do anything, you should have just let me fall. It all started like this and this is like it has to end- said Eren, a bitter smile on his trembling lips. –It’s okay, Levi. Let me go.

 -No, it’s not okay!- yelled Levi, his throat starting to aching; his eyes were stinging, his body shaking for the effort. He couldn’t lose anyone else, he couldn’t lose _him_. With Erwin and Hanji, they were the last bonds he had. –I’ll be truly honest, Eren, I can’t make it without you. I just can’t, not if I’m alone again in this fight. So, don’t you fucking dare let go of my arm- spitted out Levi. He didn’t plan to become this attached to him, it just happened: maybe it was because he resembled so much to Isabel, maybe because, for the first time after many years,  with him Levi felt that there was a concrete possibility to put an end to all of that. Perhaps, it was only because Eren made him feel like a decent person for once in his life.

 -Levi, I’m begging you. I can’t shift right now.

 It was then that Levi’s eyes saw them: Erwin and Hanji, running on the walkway, eyes on them.

 -Look, Eren! They’re coming, just hold on for another minute, just for another minute!- exclaimed, turning his head to look at the boy. He felt his heart sinking when he did it: the look in Eren’s eyes was crystal clear about his intentions.

 -No, Eren, no!

 -It’s not going to last another minute.

 -Eren, don’t you dare, this is a fucking order!

 -I’m very glad I met you, Levi. Thank you.

 -They’re coming, look! We can make it!

 -Goodbye- whispered Eren, a large, sweet smile on his lips, tears mixing with the rain and his eyes locked in Levi’s. His hand let go of Levi’s wrist, his arm slowly slipping out of the other man’s grasp.

 -No, no, no!

 Levi was holding him only by his fingers now, Erwin and Hanji only a few meters away.

 -Eren…

 -I love you, Levi.

 

 He watched him fall.

 Meter after meter, slowly, _painfully_ , falling.

 It almost seemed like time had slowed down. At some point, Levi felt an arm wrapping around him but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the Titans under him, feasting on a body he knew was Eren’s. Even when he was again on the top of Wall Maria, he continued looking; his ears were like stuffed with cotton, every sound being kept outside, even Hanji’s voice.

 -Levi… Levi, look at me… You couldn’t do anything… It’s not your fault… Please, look me…

 Only when she cupped his face with her hands, Levi turned her way. She had a swollen eye, several cuts and bruises, her jacket shredded; she was crying. Levi opened his mouth but he didn’t know what to say: it’s my fault? I could  have saved him? Nothing seemed appropriate. He just blankly stared at the woman, shaking heavily.

 After a couple of minutes, he managed to find again his voice, his eyes filling with tears.

 -He let go.

 

 

                                                                       ***

 

 

The light breeze, the sluggish waves against his calves, the setting sun. Everything was just… calm. Almost too much.

Levi took a deep breath, letting the salty air in his lungs: the doctor said it was good for him. Well, he said he needed “fresh air” and that was the only option possible. He also said he needed to rest his knee, actually.

Levi shrugged, falling back on the wet sand, sighing. He didn’t care honestly. Not anymore.

He started following with his eyes two birds running after each other in pink sky: seagulls, Hanji called them. Seagulls.

 It took them another two years before finally seeing it.

 The ocean.

 It was beautiful, undeniably, but it was not the right _shade_. Similar, but not the right one. It had to be more green and dark, in his opinion.

 A bitter start of a smile appeared on Levi’s lips, vanishing soon after. It just felt wrong, being there without _him_. It was his dream, not Levi’s. _It was just wrong_.

 The last bit of sun was swallowed by the horizon, the sky suddenly a little bit darker.

 A cold shiver along his spine made him understand it was time to leave: he had been there for hours and he would have bet Hanji had already sent someone to look for him.

 He brushed the sand off his clothes and climbed the grassy hill at the end of the beach, rolling down his lightly wet trousers.

 When he got up, before heading to the village, he looked around one last time, at the last light reflections on the surface of the sea, at the branches full of new leaves shaken by the wind.

 Levi sighed, smiling tiredly.

 -You would have liked here, Eren. You truly would.


End file.
